And this is the office;

108(approx) people.

90% of which perform the most menial of phone based tasks for a barely above minimum wage paypacket.

10% of which strut around lording and preening in the nicest possible way.

Why? Jesus christ why? Why are so many intelligent, articulate people stuck here? And have been for years!?

I am earning less now than when I was 18 years old. Is that progress? I am, undoubtedly, broken, but it seems I am not alone in settling on a barely subsidised living in exchange for a stress free working environment. Maybe this is all my broken psyche can handle.

But I seem to be the only one who cares. Or rather, spends too much time dwelling on it.

Why can't I be happy? Is anyone happy?

So there's a girl - there's always a girl - that makes your heart race and your blood pound.

You get to know her, she gets to know you. You both fall into some kind of hormonally intoxicated stupor that is commonly called 'love', and you take the biggest gamble of your life.

And it goes wrong. So you do it again. And again. As many times as you can take until you get the one. The one who will shine for years.

I'm not like you. As I am, in the rough, I attract very few diamonds. So how far would I go to keep someting so precious? To reach out and clasp it as closely to my bossom as I could?

How far would you all go, friends? I'm really interested to know...

L x

Would anyone like to come to a gig at the Folk House Friday night?
A friends band - Boxcar Aldous Huxley (link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95E98VRfSZ4&feature=related) - are playing along with a couple of other bands. £6 entry.
Any one up for it? I will go on my own if I have to!

Well I'm back after being in Kidderminster for a two day workshop for my MCSE course, and as my housemate, Jon, is obviously not going to bother to ask me how it was (I'm kinda used to it by now but he wasn't too busy to tell me how good he's doing getting acheivements on Soul Caliber (my game) though!) I thought I'd write it up here.

First things first - and this is gonna sound a bit pathetic cause, um, it is - I was actually quite tense about getting away from Bristol for a bit. I've not travelled on my own for ages so couple that with my irrational fear of missing my train stops and ending up at the wrong end of the country and you can imagine I was a bit of a mess! My last minute preparation didn't help - I forgot a towel! I needen't have worried though, as it was actually a lot of fun!

Being the cheap ass unemployed scum I am I was staying in a youth hostel - £12 for two nights? Yes please! The guy who runs the hostel, Mike, is a middle aged man with no wife or kids basically living vicariously through the people he has staying at his house. That makes it sound worse than it is! Basically he goes a long way to help people out. One guy at the house, Ivan, has been looing for work for ages and Mike has basically let him live there rent free as long as he helps out with the cleaning and one of the other girls, Cora, is getting a cheap rate just because shes skint. He just seems to enjoy helping people and having young folk around. Being a cynic I really tried to find an ulterior motive - some twisted sexual perversion or power trip but I couldn't detect anything like that! In conversation with the Aussie girl there (theres always one!) we agreed that it was a little wierd but he was certainly helping a lot of people out who neded it. The guy was so sweet. He came and picked me up from the station and gave me a quick tour of the town which didn't take long. The house was a normal suburban three bed house with dorm bunk beds in each bedroom. It was quite full once I got there but had a really nice atmosphere. People seem to stay there for months at a time rather than weeks or days. Mike doesn't even have his own room and just sleeps whereever is free - bed, sofa or chair! So my two evening there were spent drinking lots of vodka and smoking lots of pot and laughing at South Park with these really nice, friendly foreign types. Oh, and accidentally locking me, Cora and Helen in the kitchen for half an hour - Cool!

The course itself was okay if a little underwhelming. It was basically a re-hash of the 700 page text book I have now read twice. I'd imagine it was useful for people with no PC experience but I like to think I know what I'm doing now when it comes to building PCs so I didn't get too much out of it. It did give me a boost though as I seemed to be further down the road that my fellow students - quite a few voiced concerns or things they didn't understand. So far I've found nothing I don't understand! It all seems to make sense! Maybe for once in my life I've actually made a right decision and this course is going to be good for me! I'm so excited that I'm gonna try a mock A+ test tomorrow! The quicker I can get my A+ the quicker I can get work!

Hurrah! It's cathartic 'have a bitch about everything' time!

As people may or may not know last Thursday I lost my job. This was the best paid job I've ever been lucky enough to get and I lost it. Why? Because of my temper. Precisely my inability to temper my tone of voice when dealing with arrogant, stupid or rude people (of which, ironically, I usually am all three).

That job - altough doing something I ultimately didn't want to do - represented my best chance at getting some stability back into my life and maybe actually feeling good about myself in a long time. I have to ask - did I purposely sabotage myself because I don't feel I deserve anything good (rhetorical question)?

It's been a hard 6 months. Possibly the hardest of my life so far. I feel like some kind of leper. I've pushed most people past the limits of their patience with my miserable attitude. As such I don't much hear from people - who want to hang with Mr Misery, right? Vicious circle time. I have apologised to my housemates for being a sorry ass fucker which helped here a bit but I had no apology from them for completely ignoring my bithday. But, I must be in the wrong, right? Usually am.

My life seems to be a slow descent into obscure isolation. Thats how lame I am. Can't even go out in a blaze of glory or be the slightist bit interesting about it at all. I'm tired and feeling melodramatic, but I'd like to just lie down and let it all wash away. Just close my eyes and forget about my existence.

On the other hand, I have now got a kick ass PC and Christmas brought several sprawling new games to play, I also have my MCSE course to (try and) focus on and am cobbeling together bits of art at my usual sloth like pace, so I have distractions aplenty! Just need to find a job I can stand to do for the next 9 months or so...Hmmm.

Check this out;

http://abe-kroenen.livejournal.com/

That is all.

Card for my Mum's birthday this week. She spends her nine to fives dreaming of getting away to her partners compound in Africa.




I think the painting is a bit garish - wanted a more washed out look, but its not too bad on the whole.

Hello All,

As you may or may not know or care me and Moogs have now split. Finito. FInished. Through.

This means I will be moving out of the house around the end of June / start of july.

The girls need to find a new housemate for then. If they can't then they may be turfed out onto the streets!

As no one wants that I thought I'd write to see if any of you know of anyone looking for a place?

Its a nice bright house and the girls are okay I suppose (only joking - they're Aces!).

Hopefully someone knows someone?

Best to all.

Two Pints of Larger and a Packet of Crisps.

Why?

Now onto it's 4, 5 or maybe even 6th season, what possible reason in a sane world is there for the existence of this load of complete tripe?

I have always believed that TV was meant to be a form of escapism. Showing us lifes and experiences that we could never hope to experience(Heroes being a good example, I suppose) - or never want to.

This absolutely dire insight into the lives of 2 chav couples and their kooky, crazy mate definitely falls into the later of those two categories.

Ralph Little may have been disarmingly endearing as the put upon teen in The Royal Family or what ever that repetitive, one joke piece of tripe may have been called, but I really have to wonder why he has wasted that kick start he was given on this piece of nonsense shite. Do the characters have any endearing traits? No. Is it well written, with clever, engaging plot twists? No. Did the canned audience just laugh at the mention of 'Silver skin Pickled Onions'? Yes.

Yes, once again, the BBC have, in their finite wisdom, have seen fit to foist this bollocks upon a late night drinking audience - IE me!

Maybe it is just me? Maybe I am the one watcher keeping this show going? I have no other explanation to the continued existence of this bloody awful show. Is it my fault? As someone known for staying up till the wee hours with the TV blaring whilst I noodle on the computer/guitar/sketchpad(occasionally!) I, unfortunately, feel I have grown up with this show. Like the unwelcome uncle who insists on giving you a 'ride' on his knee, it turns up when you least want it - but you know its always going to be there. Cheers, Uncle Fred.

Jesus. Is it me, or does Gaz look like a crack addict these days? Bad lighting maybe.

Anyway, in a horrible way it has become a background staple of my late night lifestyle.

Fuck, Louise has just got her life sorted with 10 minutes of psycho therapy! Can I have that number, please?

What was my point? Oh yeah, as we know and experience, familiarity breeds contempt. I have laughed over the last half hour. Involuntarily as well. At what point does contempt become a begrudging respect? 'Oh, your still here? well I suppose I have to respect your survival at least'.

Thank god its over now and 'Have I Got News For You' is on instead. Hmm...Carol Vorderman presents?

I'll spare you that particular rant. You lucky people, you!
PS Shite, Shite, Shite, Shite!